o ce soleil parmi la brume qui se leve

conspiratorador @ 2007-11-03T23:43:00

2007-11-04T04:43:59Z

'bye.

conspiratorador @ 2007-09-21T22:43:00

2007-09-22T03:48:20Z

maybe things are not going so well.
i feel... anonymous.

conspiratorador @ 2007-09-17T18:41:00

2007-09-17T23:44:24Z

there are so many stories. i'm drunk on our memories today, like ropes of hair spreading through water, eyes closed and skin cool.

conspiratorador @ 2007-09-07T00:25:00

2007-09-07T05:28:17Z

SES is a breath of fresh air. School is going swimmingly, people are open, my french class is actually TAUGHT IN FRENCH.

in other news, the shit has completely hit the fan.

conspiratorador @ 2007-09-03T20:11:00

2007-09-04T01:14:47Z

stories start in the morning.
i want calm collected crazy newness.

music, my friends. sweet, sweet music.

conspiratorador @ 2007-09-03T01:38:00

2007-09-03T06:40:41Z

my 35mm cost $70 and i think i should have gotten a manual.
hmm.

conspiratorador @ 2007-08-30T22:02:00

2007-08-31T03:17:05Z

schmedule!

Earth Days
1st-2nd Block:    Green House
                               -AP Lit with Sheeley
                                 -AP Human Geo with Callahan
                               -Environmental Science with Johnson
3rd Block:      AP Stats with Pederson
                      Ind. Study Hall 12:35-1:10
4th Block:      Advanced French Lit. & Comp. at Eastview with Kuettner

Sky Days
    1st-2nd Block:   Green House
                                     -AP Lit with Sheeley
                                     -AP Human Geo with Callahan
                                     -Environmental Science with Johnson
3rd Block:      Independent Photography with Levine
                      Ind. Study Hall 12:35-1:10
4th Block:      Advanced French Lit. & Comp. at Eastview with Kuettner

Intensive Themes:
First Tri- Marine Bio with Sheeley
Second Tri- Creative Writing with Wackman
Third Tri- Theater in the City with Carlson

...woo! i still have approximately 600 pages of summer reading to finish!
and i'm going to the fair tomorrow.
this summer flew.
i want to travel.
tom bombadillo!!

conspiratorador @ 2007-08-15T01:02:00

2007-08-15T06:11:51Z

i like the way your skin feels close to mine, i like the chills i get from thinking nakedpregnantpeacefulslumber, being watched with waryworrylove eyes. careful hands, softened tones, skin into something new and unfamiliar, but welcome. i like the dreams you tell me of, the funny hopes you have for our quaint and delicate future. a goat on a lead, picking grapes in a vineyard. the two children i once saw from a train window, sitting on their back step across from the quiet, mossy corner of the yard where the fairies dwell-- they waved to the train from their perch, and i could feel the cool damp stone beneath their small, grubby fingers as i made out their figures from such a distance.
you are like that, sometimes, as a presence late at night when electricity lights the summer night's sky, but not my bedroom. stretched catlike and glowing over woven fibers, and patchouli and candlelight are the only walls i know. i want you here with me, in this enclosed haven from the wind and rain.
you are young and i love the curls that fall into your eyes.
why must our peace be granted over so much time?
can we not be at rest?

conspiratorador @ 2007-08-08T20:08:00

2007-08-09T01:10:04Z

a pox on all shopping malls!

i want to go sledding.

conspiratorador @ 2007-07-17T18:25:00

2007-07-17T23:31:56Z

i haven't felt so
a) content
b) mature
c) independent
for a very long time. everything's just working out really nicely.
love my car, love my job, love my boy, love my friends, love my college choice, love my thrilling thoughts of the future.
in other news, i got a neat haircut today that can be a faux hawk if i so choose. it's pretty sweet.
my job at the salon is amazingly fun. free coffee all the time, crazy nice middle-aged coworkers, nice salon-ish smells, haircuts for two dollars.
i'm in love with my current situation.
mmm.

conspiratorador @ 2007-07-15T22:07:00

2007-07-16T03:09:48Z

stevie wonder, man. stevie freaking wonder.

conspiratorador @ 2007-07-15T15:42:00

2007-07-15T22:10:07Z

making me smile:

what made you smile today?

conspiratorador @ 2007-07-09T19:29:00

2007-07-10T00:31:24Z

if my car were a transformer,
he would not be as kick-ass as this.
at all.

conspiratorador @ 2007-07-09T19:20:00

2007-07-10T00:23:28Z

i just got a car and his name is Archimedes and he is green and positively intergalactically burning with awesome.
i just got a job that pays $6.25 an hour.
harry potter comes out tomorrow.
I LOVE EVERYTHING.

conspiratorador @ 2007-07-07T16:01:00

2007-07-07T23:00:02Z

well, to take from jess, here's a 'what i'd like' in pictures.

I'd like to study here a year from now,

in this dorm (?)

or this one (?)

with this wonderful girl

in our eclectically decorated dorm room.
I'd like to study languages, philosophies, psychology, and how to write and teach.
(but to learn so much more than that.)
I'd like to have a job in a place that sells lots of these

and to get better with these

and these.

I want to spend my collegiate years living my life as this one

and this one

live theirs.

I want to stay in love like this

with him, always.
to fulfill our dreams of wandering everywhere from here

to here

to here,

and from here

to here...

but to always come back, with him, to here. home.

home to our building like this,

to our barely-big-enough-for-two apartment like this,

...where many friends will come to stay, and where many odds and ends and BOOKS will accumulate.
And each night, to fall asleep entwined on this,

til morning, when we go out on our

laughing, and in search of adventure.
I want time to pass peacefully along, interrupted by bouts of adventure, and times of prosperity and poverty alike...
and then to have one of these

and later, a couple of these

whom we will love ridiculously much, and expose to great literature and even greater far-off places...
and I'd like to stop teaching and, instead, own a charming, mysterious little place such as this

until the city life becomes too young for us.
and then we will depart for the countryside, and spend the rest of our days in a place like this.

we will still, of course, depart for many an adventure, whenever adventure calls.

these are my dreams.

...what are yours?

conspiratorador @ 2007-06-25T23:01:00

2007-06-26T04:02:52Z

the days have been drifting by nonchalantly and i'm standing on tiptoe just anticipating anticipating anticipating
and not paying attention to any of these things that are happening to me.

conspiratorador @ 2007-06-20T20:31:00

2007-06-21T01:40:42Z

I tire of everything being so neat, of all lines being straight. I need some mess and disorder, need my eyes to feel liquid and sparkling instead of their current state. As if they have been rolled in sugar, each slowly dissolving crystalline grain feeling gritty where my eyelid meets the smooth white surface.
I need a really good book and some company.
today has been one of those still days-- standing in the unmoving center of a landscape that rotates around with a tantalizing, carousel-like motion. there are too many sparkling lights that I am not a part of, today. I think tomorrow I will make a point to surprise people, and find a little beauty lurking someplace unusual, where it is out of place.
I cannot wait for the days of free exploration that will come once I have the freedom to move along the superhighways and backroads.
Guh.
And now, I go forth in search of an adventurous work of literature to pluck from my overflowing bookshelf!

Any good books I ought to read? Light things, adventurous and take-me-away-from-here things?

jezebel.

2007-06-05T03:00:47Z

this song makes me love you even more. it reminds me of tiny infant hands and wide, clear eyes... of supple teenage bodies entwined on that broken old couch in the orchestral pit, lungs breathing in the other one's breaths. the way your scent was new, the way your touch was foreign, the way our lips were parted.

you're the only shape i'll pray to.

conspiratorador @ 2007-06-04T21:53:00

2007-06-05T02:56:31Z

i left my notebook somewhere.
the one with all my poems and ink sketches that took hours.
those were my POEMS.

GUH, WHERE IS IT???
I hate Eastview. It eats my time and my notebooks.

conspiratorador @ 2007-05-28T12:09:00

2007-05-28T17:18:22Z

this part of me is aching and fading.

conspiratorador @ 2007-05-26T14:27:00

2007-05-26T19:28:22Z

you are the smell before rain
you are the blood in my veins

conspiratorador @ 2007-05-23T18:03:00

2007-05-24T00:29:34Z

the softness of curls on his forehead, the precision of his gaze... matching the strange weather-- the skies have been green and the wind tempermental. humidity presses down a flattened palm on the tops of all these polished skulls, just as my palms slide over sweat-slicked skin. the same sentence keeps rushing behind my eyes..."i loved you so much, i almost could have loved you as... well."
heartbreak is genetic, i think.
and i dreamt(or i think i dreamt)a surreal series of vignettes, and i kept on saying, "i don't want you to be broken."
sensing. mouths slide along with palms sliding.. lips parted(the doors of breath)slightly and the way your bones shift slippery under plains of skin, splattered in shadows.  the earth has the same bones, deep under stripes of earth and clay, all grass on the surface. those joints move more slowly, the immense arms of the earth stretching out like a cat, lacing fingers and reaching long. grass moves fluidly, unbreaking when the skeleton shifts beneath, thunderous and slow and yawning as we tiptoe across her skin (tracing a meaningless pattern as my finger traces a line across your back), sending shivers.
she blinks watery eyes as yours slide closed.

conspiratorador @ 2007-05-13T20:55:00

2007-05-14T01:59:03Z

Please bring the following supplies on the first day of school:

- hard cover journal (NOT spiral bound), Mead Composition size or larger

- desk supplies (including post-it flags, highlighters, stapler, glue sticks and Scotch tape)

- Minnesota Trees ISBN 0-9623116-1-8 (Barnes & Noble will stock this guide)

- at least one other North American field guide from the Eastern region (insects, mammals, medicinal plants, wildflowers, birds or shrubs)

- compass

- rain gear/poncho

- clipboard

- a flashdrive

...i cannot even describe how excited having a compass as a school supply makes me.
yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
and i am going to have a salamander and a fish on my desk. jess, want to come to the pet shop with me once i have my car?

conspiratorador @ 2007-04-11T22:02:00

2007-04-12T03:04:00Z

we mean what we say.

conspiratorador @ 2007-03-26T19:41:00

2007-03-27T00:42:38Z

PATCHOULI INCENSE and GWEN STEFANI.
wow, life is good.
jess, let's bring back that fuck-it-all revolutionary feeling.
... that was such an amazing night.